Talk to Your Parents...Before It’s Too Late

I come to talk about this topic because of a conversation a few days ago with a very close friend. She recently learned that her father has a rare cancer.  When she and I met for lunch, just days after she had returned from her father's bedside, she told me that one of her big concerns was talking to her parents about their finances. If dad were to die or become incapacitated, she worried, "I'm not sure my mom will know what to do to manage all the financial stuff."

And there is so much of that financial stuff to manage, stuff she never cared about -- or maybe even knew about. My friend's dad, for instance, works for himself and is involved in real estate, with several transactions currently unfolding. "There are so many loose ends that would need to be tied up," my friend says, "and his office area is filled with tons of papers, and we have no idea what they mean. I'm not even sure my mom knows how much money my dad's business has in it."

On some level, finding those answers seems easy: Just ask Mom and Dad all the right questions. Not so easy, though, when your family is engulfed in a crisis or uncomfortable about sharing this type of information with you.  In their minds, it's a question on whether you can handle the answers.

"All our efforts," my friend says, "are focused on finding him the best treatment, and we haven't stepped back to look at these other issues that need to be addressed. I know this is on my mom's mind, looking at the room upstairs and wondering how the heck to unravel it all. But she's in an emotional space where she's not able to deal with or handle it. Clearly, there needs to be some sort of power of attorney to direct the finances if that becomes necessary."

Those thoughts hit my friend while she was in the hospital with her dad. But she never mentioned it to him because she's uncertain whether her dad wants to deal with it, since doing so means confronting his mortality.

"Although it's exactly the time to talk about this, while he's awake and lucid," my friend says, "it seems like the absolute worst time emotionally and psychologically. No one really wanted to say out loud that this cancer could kill him, or that he wouldn't walk out of this hospital. It was the elephant in the room. I can't ask these questions if he's not ready to deal with the answers."

To be sure, thoughts of money are secondary at times like these. You're confronted with so many emotions that money and wills and powers of attorney and bank-account ledgers are trivial. Yet you also know that they will eventually loom large, and you kick yourself for never having that conversation to begin with. It seems so obvious now.

Why, you ask yourself, didn't you have it when everything was fine?  Is it awkward and uncomfortable to have this conversation?  Sure it is, but whose interests are being served here.  Furthermore, is this something you are prepared to undertake; you know this could take a lot of time to do.

We can help assemble this information so that when illness, injury or even unexpected death arrives, you are better equipped to handle and deal with the issues that must be addressed and resolved.  Too often, we are reactive and not proactive; our services can save you time, money and lots of heartache.